AU Blogspot

              Thanks to Jim C. Chou for permission to use this Photo.

You finally enrolled in Ashworth University’s master’s degree program or you’ve been enrolled for a while and aren’t sure if you’re progressing through the program fast enough.  You know you have five (5) years from your date of enrollment to complete the program and, if you didn’t realize it before, you’ve probably figured out that five (5) adult years goes by a lot faster than five child years.  Remember your own plaintive question to your parents – “Are we there yet?  This is taking so long!”  You wish! 

I got the idea to write about procrastination and momentum as my first blog piece about 3 weeks ago.   It was a revelation to me to find that 3 weeks later I still had not gotten something down on paper.  I thought I had laid all my procrastinating tendencies to rest but apparently not.    

So I had to focus.  I first realized that I needed to overcome my resistance to opining through blogging.  As I’m sure we all know, or at least suspect, there is nothing like a little mental block to stop all the action.  (Seriously, part of me thinks we all talk too much about too little too much of the time, and part of me understands we learn and grow when we share what we know with others and let other share with us.)  So, I had to settle that inner debate so I could move on. (more…)

               Thanks to fliegender for permission to use this Photo.

A study out of the University of California, Berkeley supports the notion that those low in self-esteem have a stronger than normal reaction to rejection and disapproval. For the very socially anxious, the flight response, also known as repression and avoidance, tends to be the default position. This may not serve adult interests, of course, and suggests that those who are socially anxious to an abnormal degree may be doomed to others kinds of corollary risks as well.

I was recently reminded of this by a case of a marital break-up caused by an unwillingness to confront painful truths; she was too critical and bossy but he didn’t complain enough so eventually there was a split. To me as a bystander, the case highlighted a risk that the socially anxious run, namely, unwillingness to take feedback because it is read as criticism, and being avoidant and non assertive when it comes to confronting some one else’s objectionable behavior.Present pain is avoided but leads to much greater pain later. To me this is such a tragic and avoidable cost.

Below is a brief outline of the fundamentals of assertiveness. Assertiveness consists of three basic components:

1. The ability to to express feelings… for example, to accept and express anger, warmth and sexual feelings.

2. The ability to express beliefs and thoughts openly… being able to voice opinions, disagree and take a stand, even if it is emotionally hard to do and even if you have something to lose by doing so. (more…)

 
              Thanks to Gaetan Lee for permission to use this Photo.

What baffles me the most about a lot of business owners is how little thought they seem to put into their projects, yet many of them experience great success with their businesses. I’ve seen millionaires make multi-million dollar deals over a three minute cell phone call, pitched (and sold) website creatives to massive web development firms via brief face to face meetings. All of these observations have taught me one extremely valuable lesson: think less, do more.

The reason that someone might be able to sign a deal so quickly is because they know that it will come through as expected. A good business-person knows that they can’t handle every aspect of their business, so it becomes crucial to outsource whenever possible. I’ve noticed that my inability to trust others to do what they say they will do has saved me from being burned a few times, but it’s also prevented me from really taking advantage of an excellent opportunity or killer business move. I’ve read my fair share of “self help” business books. For legality reasons I’m not going to name any, but let me say that my father was neither rich nor poor, and that I am not very good at making deals.

Unfortunately, the books that I’ve read haven’t solved either one of those problems. Instead, what I noticed was that I was buying more books and learning a lot about how to get motivated without actually doing anything. (more…)

 
                  Thanks to st stev for permission to use this Photo.

I was rummaging through some old files when I came upon the term “intention deficit disorder “(IDD) What are its symptoms? Excessive rumination, frustration, existential guilt, self criticalness, inability to express opinions, inability to ask for things, there are feelings of regret, a sense of undeveloped fulfillment, lack of satisfaction in life…

Formerly this might have been called neuroses.  I don’t know where I got this term or whether I just happened to think it up myself, but it does have a certain ring of truth, especially as an alternate term for procrastination and being intimidated by one’s own anxiety, especially anxiety about social disapproval.  It is about failing to initiate an action whether to undertake a new endeavor, engage with another person or participate in some form of self expression. My friend Lewis and I had a lengthy discussion recently about ‘courageous conversations’ which covered some of the same territory. It’s all about fear.

Fear of speaking up about one’s true feelings or opinions for fear of alienating the other; fear of asking from something for fear of rejection; or fear of starting some new project for fear of failure.  The phrase from my notes of ‘being stuck on the backside of one’s illusions,’ which I think I got from NPR, points to the likelihood that many fears are unfounded but we don’t know it. The thing is to check things out from the external world and see if the fears of real or just a delusion.

(more…)

 
             Thanks to Howie Berlin for permission to use this Photo.

With each new sunrise we are given the opportunity to start fresh and paint the canvas that is our life. Provided we are willing to acknowledge that we can do so. That’s right, no matter how many things may have gone wrong for you up to this point in your life, if you’re willing to do so you can start over and put any negative events behind you.

Your past doesn’t have to define your future — as long as you make the commitment not to allow it to do so.

The sooner you get to where you can move past life’s shortcomings the sooner you will be able to start taking more advantage of the vast opportunities that life affords those who don’t allow themselves to stay stuck in the past.

As the saying so eloquently goes…The past is in the past, the future we do not know yet, and the present is a gift we can give ourselves. (more…)

 
             Thanks to Rossina Bossio for permission to use this Photo.

No matter how beautiful or comforting a home is, if it is not built on a solid foundation it will surely crumble.  This analogy can be used for many things in our world, from ourselves to families to businesses to sports teams.  Having a strong foundation and core values will provide a solid base for everything else in life.  It’s not that everything else will come automatically, as anything in life worth achieving is worth working for.

There are many books published on the topic of motivation.  Some speak more scientifically and others more organizationally.  I have read a few of these books myself, as a self-employed entrepreneur keeping motivated is key.  After reading the book Perpetual Motivation by Dave Durand, I learned to take a step back and look inward to find the motivators to keep me positive and progressing.

Perpetual Motivation, like many motivational books and stories, has an equation to help keep you going.  The formula in the book was different from others I have seen, as it seemed more humbling and therefore more achievable.  The equation states motivation is the result of balance plus influence plus creativity plus a sense of humor minus runaway self-esteem.  Where Durand does a better job of describing all of these than myself, his exclusion of it being all about “me” and being about family and friends is a refreshing approach. (more…)